going all out!

So I made a cute little wishlist. Ambitious, I know.
But these are pricey things I've really wanted for a while. Those boots mainly-- my lord, after years I found the perfect pair!
This list is mostly for myself. One, to procrastinate studying for finals. And two, I hadn't used photoshop in a while. Oh and three, because I really do want to end up getting some these things for myself in the near future.

The book-- ohmy! I read it in 7th grade and I'm just itching to read it again. It was the first book that made me appreciate the power of reading, it was crazy. It's a kickass thriller, too.

In no particular order. ;)

Behind this cut!
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[PS: omg this song seriously came on Pandora as I was writing this entry. SO adorable jesus christ. Also, wow, LJ. Really really tired of some of your shiz. I hate this new "cut" format... Anyone know how to keep it from doing this "collapse" deal?]

- Terri

akuroku; in a better place

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

Didn't keep to blogging schedule as promised... naturally. BUT! Perfect timing.
But I am presently quite stressed, so I figure this is a good a time as any to procrastinate on a 10 page politics paper due in two days. :)

And also introduce someone here. An introduction purposely delayed for reasons... hmm. Yeah. Because tomorrow marks 8 absolutely wonderful months. Well. Following my entry before the last-- which was written before I met him-- I pretty much maintained my view on certainty but on a much more positive note.

I'm with my soulmate. I knew him. I knew he was. Always. Always. And now I'm with him.

There we are in March. We had a date night for just no reason, really. I was genuinely not expecting to open the door to this most handsome gentleman with flowers and chocolate.

But I was expecting the look on his face upon seeing that dress. ;)

(and about him getting that he looks like Joseph Gordon-Levitt... I honestly don't see it. okay maybe in that last picture a bit but meh I see Heath Ledger more than JGL. there. said it. just for the record)
 We went to a local restaurant; I had my first 'rare' piece of meat. It was weird, but good. 

February: He made us our first bonfire and I watched my first beach sunset. Goodness...
For some reason this picture looks so intimate to me. The glow of the fire and how we aren't kissing-- we're smiling right on each other. 
Oddly enough I don't feel too comfortable writing our story. Or my story about his story before our story...

And I don't mean the drama surrounding this story.
Him and I alone knowing that story will do for now.

My amazing spring ended on pretty fucking amazing note, too.
We tackled a 12 mile hike on the very first day of summer.

[ Didn't edit these at all, obviously. They are in all their imperfect film glory. Didn't even crop the edges after scanning. ;) ]
We soaked our blistery feet in bath salts (I freaked out and slapped ticks all over his car and bathroom upon finding them on me, nbd) and massaged each other's tired-ass legs with some awesome lavender oil. Love lavender. And of course, I must mention, I almost died climbing this bitch back up. I did. I did almost! LOOK AT THAT THING! 
I cannot, in any way, words or pictures, do justice to that beach. Felt like we were alone in the world for the while we rested there. It was beyond wonderful.

There was only one tiny mishap-- the death of my iPod. It only bummed me out because of the videos I recorded and pictures I took (I geniusly notaword propped it on the strap of the Camelbak there, that black thing on my chest, and let it record as we went along) that were lost. But it gets funny; the iPod (his name was Jake, really) made it home safely. I played Plants vs Zombies while he massaged my feet. Then he washed his backpack and forgot to check one single and very important pocket. Yup. Jake got a wash. Anyway, I refused to let him buy me a new one. Funny and tragic. But you owe me...

July: Strep throat; I risked my perfect health and happily cared for him..............................................

As amazing as it it to be with your soulmate, it's a little scary (back on that certainty point...), I mean, I'm not perfect. Life's not perfect. Although it feels like it is when I'm with you, it isn't. If for any reason or force on earth we could no longer be with each other... I wouldn't regret a single second spent with you. If for any reason... there wouldn't be an ounce of bitterness in me. I'd be beyond happy that I had you at all. Like I was before.
And really, that's a kind of a big thing to say and realize, right? 'Cause I say that with the most honesty.

You have done the most to my heart I've ever allowed anyone. I still get butterflies sometimes, or I'll get that "high-school-girl" feeling when we're together. Sometimes even when we're lazy in bed ("We own pants?") watching Netflix. I could make this the sappiest blog entry in history, but I'll leave that for a few months later. ;)

And M, you know what I told you about writing; my view on it.
(i got a question about why i refer to people with their initials on my blog(s), might as well mention that here too. i've clearly been doing that for a while and the reason is to protect their privacy, on the internet or whatever; chances are i'll use full names on private entries)

Here it is all laid out.
Happy 8 months my love, mi chulo, mi amor, my soulmate.
I can't get enough of your grilled cheeses, your country signin, and your chinky kisses.
Thank you and I love you. (:
"olive juice"



it's a crime to be this happy

I just had to wait to the 1st to update.
I mean, I shamefully missed the first of july so...


Oh man. How my mind has evolved from that last post. I still hold those central thoughts, but oh my lordy lord... the craziness I've felt. Emotional growth, I guess, is the best and least-cheesy way to put it.

Anyhoo, my camera was collecting dust for months and this past weekend I decided to bring it out and make it the photodump of this post. My dad became godfather to a friend's baby, so we had a little party at home (although, for that I used his camera ;P).

But I'll dump those tomorrow instead. Meanwhile, I'm taking two summer classes and finals are next week. It doesn't feel like an overload-- it's just freaking summer and who wants to study? GAH
Like I said in this post, though, I MUST find things to do when I should seriously be studying. Suddenly my dirty/unfolded laundry cries to me, my desk wants to organized, dog should be walked, plants watered (seriously?!).

So I took like an hour to make this and eat it. Strawberries (I used the straw method to "gut" them, genius) and apples. Add 'naners. Add pecan ice-cream. Eat.
Forgot to add Lechera (condensed milk), but I ate that alone after. I know, Mexican diabetes. 

Namine begging for some and my little sister pouty because I wasn't going to share; both had just eaten! ;)

These things taste yummier when someone else makes them... like my mom's.

[taken last spring]
mini 'mallows and cool whip!

[Francisco; Nov 2010]
I've got some nasty Christmas in July fever (well, August). I'm anxious to craft and whatnot, but I make myself busy and don't allow me time. I'm very tempted to wear my grandma-looking Garfield x-mas sweater I got from F21 a few months ago [sale!] to school... Oh, and it's not silly-sounding if you live in the CA central coast, always always foggy/chilly in the mornings. Always. Going to wear that out in a few months.

That is all for August 1st.
Crazy fast year. Craaaazy fast. 'Cause Journal, I haven't even told you everything yet. ;)


on certainty

I said it before-- now time to say it again; I need an "I'm back" tag 'cause man... me and my leave-things-unfinished predictability. But really, that is about all that's predictable about me lately. I've rarely come here to share my down times (these times the 'downest' I've ever had), and I've so far been staying true to that. I loved last spring so much because it woke me up from way, way deep where I had gone. I couldn't stop rambling about my spring fever (which I feel coming on again...), yet even then I was afraid of the issues I would have to face once fall came. Then summer rolled in and I still only braced myself for the fall, instead of enjoying my time... I made it through surprisingly well. I handled myself, but then this winter-- oh this winter brought along an entire new case. Lessons.

The blooming flowers, my peaceful and thoughtful 3 mile daily walks home from school-- spring can't get here any faster. Except--! Listen to me. I'm stopping myself right there. I'm realizing I need to not think like that... I've been constantly wishing for time to hurry past to find my place. Hurrying time because the memories of certain things around certain seasons (and I'm not sure why I bundle it together as a whole season, I guess the changing nature impacts my mood along with whatever it is I'm going through) wouldn't let me have peace, and it wasn't until spring of last year that I found calm after having been in rock bottom for months. 
How ridiculous is that, now. Time being such a precious thing, how dare I wish it to pass any faster? Trying to truly deal with and take in what is present is harder, but what else is there? Breathe and take it day to day. It's a scary concept for me. Me, someone who is a creature of routine and planning-- I've never been the type who likes waking up and letting the day flow. Sure, I appreciate the spontaneity-- but I'm an animal of habit. Before these changes I'm now facing things felt secure, and losing that secure feeling was the sole reason for my breaking; it was frightening.

I've noticed one sure thing about myself... when I'm home I'm comfortable and entertained and perfectly content. It's hard to get me out of that home-bodied zone. Once I am outside, however, and I absolutely mean outside in nature and fresh air, even just a park, I don't want back indoors at all. I feel perfectly at ease and find thoughtful and admirable details in every little thing. Even just in my backyard-- flowers, lemon tree, birdies, anything.

I take meaning in everything. I take everything and connect it and take it to heart. As dramatic as that sounds, oh well, I'm dramatic. Spring and summer can only promise me so much-- and that is the flowers I will admire and sun I will soak in-- these things won't be a remedy for the hurt, they'll just be a helping hand. No promises, no security. It's a fair state of mind that I wish would change; but it's also protective of myself.

The least I can do is continue to let the time pass and be conscious of it rather than wishing for it to hurry. Enjoy it. Enjoy this frustrating vagueness of where things are going. Get over the fear of not knowing what the seasons will bring because why should anyone have that much certainty in their life anyway? How can I enjoy the beauty of a floating butterfly and ignore that it isn't for ever? That the little bug will expire to dust? It's morbid to think like that, but it's appreciative. Know that it isn't the only gorgeous floating butterfly and that its fluttering presence is greatly treasured for the while it is here, or at least for the few seconds I stare at it...

What I'm trying to say, I guess, without the rambling, is-- I'm not going with the flow. I'm not swimming against it. One made me impatient and the other gave me regrets. I'm standing right in the current for a bit while I figure my ways. No planning-- how dare I try to plan anything in this uncertain place... how did that work out the last time?
I can only keep my chin up. I'm strong, not invincible. I did as well as I could have the last time it all crashed on me to not lose hope in the fact that life shouldn't be judged and hated upon one tragic experience. The difference is last time I didn't free myself from it; I hardly healed from it, I just worked on accepting it. Miserably. It wasn't good for me. Now it's the time to take that deep breath and brace myself for uncertainty-- something I never had to deal with or prepared myself for, ever. 

[composed early February 2012)


Beautiful morning is beautiful.

Oh boy. As if I really needed another website to online-window-shop over.

Anyhoo, class canceled today and no work, or at least, I really hope I don't get called up. I have crazy mixed feelings about it. When I'm home, I think of how much it is NOT for me and I should just leave it, but when I'm there and actually attempting to learn how it all works it seems more do-able. I'm just seeing it as an experience and I'm hoping it helps me build character-- doing something I totally do not think is for me and stepping outside my comfort zone (lol terri, it's just a cashier at Jack In The Box, calm down) MMMKAY.

I'm gonna take the day to catch up on my weekly assignments, study a bit, read and relax-- ALL OUTSIDE!
It's too perfectly sunny to not be out. Not to mention the tanning. :P
I HAVE been doing my 365, just haven't edited and all that.

This song cheers me up to unbelievable levels! It makes me just want to go outside and just... be out there. :)
I'm thinking of planting a little veggie garden-- just tomatoes and jalapeños to start out, to get my fingers dirty, make a few mistakes and get super giddy if something actually grows.

Gah! I can't wait for the Strawberry Festival! Spring fever is still rising!
I'm gonna attempt to make a mango-strawberry smoothie (with the Ninja! This thing is awesome, it's genius how the top part is the motor and you can pull the blade out for easy cleaning! </infomercial>) 
Oh but anyway, I had a mango-strawberry smoothie that was off the freakin' roof the other day-- from a supermarket that opened just a few weeks ago, Vallarta, (i think it's crazy how they keep the produce and, pretty much everything there, stocked perfectly and neatly. someone takes an apple and 5 seconds later it's restocked-- it's like OCD status, but it's pretty). That smoothie was crazy good, it tasted so homemade and fresh, so I'm gonna go see if I can recreate that~

[I doubt it made much of a difference but I stretched the layout a bit. I could not find the PS file of the banner and editing it was a pah-een.]

akuroku; in a better place

(no subject)

Francisco has not returned home for a whole day... and I'm being all panicky and paranoid now. :/
I mean, he has a collar so... I just can't think of any reason for him to not come home on his own or go this long without food.

Gah. :(

On separate news, first official day of work went alright. I'm a complete klutz and this is a fast food place we're talking about... I'm gonna be messing up shitloads. I forgot to clock back in after my break. :/ Well, I thought I did but I guess I pressed the wrong button. And other little mess-ups that I had.

I've been trying to eat healthier and I've been munching on carrots instead of chips, and it looks a little looney but meh. I think I've been drinking too much water, though. I know for a fact that I had the clearest skin ever on the fall of '06, right before I started high school, and I'm positive it was because I drank water all day errday that summer.

Speaking of summer, I'm reeeeaaally gonna try to tan. I've been trying to let my hair grow since LAST YEAR but I keep and keep snipping at it whenever it looks out of place! It's been looking flat and I'm resisting so badly on cutting it again but no, I've had short hair for a while now, I want a change (i'm surprised, i thought i would hate 2011, for no reason really, but i'm being so positive). I dyed it red-ish brown a while ago but it was hardly a difference. Now I'm thinking of either going super black or light, light brown. Light would probably make me look tanner but I'm scared of bleaching it. :x

I am going to TRY a 365. Try. I'll probably fail. I started on the first day of spring just as motivation. But I'll probably fail. :/

Guhhhh Francisco! He's killing me!
Fucking cat.
I hope you're alright, bb.


Mother nature just pissed her pantsuit!

Should be... writing two essays right now but clearly I am... not. I'm just really, really honestly and humbly amazed by my procrastinating skills. I do things I never do when I have to write an essay. I don't understand myself. Really. After a long, long time of having absolutely NO idea what my major should be it suddenly just came to me-- english. Just on a whim. But I hate essays. You might think I'm wrong in the head to have such a major and such a strong dislike for writing essays but meh. I'm just seeing it as-- I want to teach one day, and it'll be fun reading the essays I make my students write one day, getting there is the hard, annoying part-- BUT I want the end result. I want to be a crazy, torturous english teacher one day.

Normally I wouldn't even be close to worrying about my english h.w, I have the class once a week on fridays for 3 hours, but I start work tomorrow (asdhfakljlas;jdfadfhjkl) and I'm gonna have to really push myself to cut this procrastination shiz out since but I will be working in the afternoons.

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How incredibly stupid is that what I am dreading most about this job is that I can't have nail polish? :/ Yeah. I don't know. Even though they start chipping overnight from nail-biting, I still like the girly feeling I get when I'm painting them. But I guess oh well. There's always a stack of applications and I do feel pretty lucky I got in. I am a bit nervous but then I tell myself-- stupider people have done this, way, way stupider people (I'm talking about someone in particular here...). I mean, if they could do it, I'll be fine (granted, they got fired...). It's all good.

I seriously think I have spring fever.

EDIT: I was just scrolling through some tags (actually not even scrolling, this was my first time every clicking on a tag and it was on the first page) on FLICKR and... well, that was nice. I didn't know they allowed, well, pretty much what one would call porn on there. I don't mean artistic nudity or whatever, just... blatant pictures. It was "tongue". The tag was "tongue"...